A Brief History
We're new to each other. I to you and you to me. My name is Tia. I've not had a truly remarkable life, but it's not been bland. I am the wind that blows on a warm summer's night. I am the leaves that collide as they free-fall in the autumn. I am innocence. But I am strength. I am happiness, because I've known pain. But mostly, I am a dreamer because I've known the blank stare of a gray wall and the prison bars over sight.
Let Me Explain
Do you remember when you were six? You believed in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Mermaids, aliens, even werewolves. But as you grew up people broke it to you that magic only exists in books and movies. And as an adolescent you stared at the confining walls of your room. Wishing to be a hero, or an angel or a vampire. But you were stuck with the knowledge that you can't shift forms and you don't have superpowers. You are a human being. Nothing more. And there are 6 billion people in this world just like you. You get depressed. What happened to the magic?
What did happen to the magic? Where did it go? Even so-called "magicians" are just illusionists. They don't bend time or space. They don't break the laws of physics. Can anything? Why can't I talk to animals? Or find a prince by sharing a touch of the lips with a slimy amphibian? (Not that it sounds all the great, anyways.) And I'm not saying that I'm all for the wicked witch or the evil stepmother in the story, as I, like countless other root against her. But it would add for a little spice in this mundane life. A little dash of cinnamon.
Don't Bite The Apple!
Now, don't get me wrong. This life has plenty of villains. And the one that shakes me deep down to the core is the one finds their kicks as the bully of the insecure and the broken. I don't invest anything in razor sharp words. So I am not effected. But others, they do. And I see as gash by painful gash is etched across their confidence. And for some it's so hard to see the light as the dark keeps getting beckoned in. Not that I'm the "frolicking-through-the-flowers" type, but I believe there is goodness in us all. It's which path we choose to follow that defines us.
In God's Name I Pray, Amen.
I can tell I'm getting a little preachy on you. Funny thing is, I don't even consider myself religious. Yes, I believe. Some days. I'll be first to admit I'm not a good Christian. There are things I believe, and there are things I don't. But as I look around the world I live in, I find it hard to have such unwavering faith. I commend those who do. But I've seen too much. Or maybe. . . Maybe not yet enough.
When You Fall Down
I don't consider myself vain or superficial. I've lost too much to put too much of myself into material objects. I've fallen. I've cried. I've stood on the promise of oblivion and I walked back on red hot coals and held the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've kept secrets. From everyone. Best friends. Parents. Brothers. And let me tell you, keeping a secret from someone who knows you better than you know yourself isn't easy. I've held in so much that the threat of imploding seemed like a comfortable consequence. As soft as powder blue clouds.
Not A Cloud In The Sky
On the other hand, we've all had those moments when things couldn't go anymore perfect and we're transported through space and time on the whisper of a dream. And it may last three seconds, three weeks, or three years, but it makes us wonder why we ever questioned where the magic could've gone. Fantasy collides with reality and you're stuck with the immensity of your entire being feeling as if nothing could ever go wrong again.
Sticks, Stones, And Storybook Rhymes
In childhood, the cow jumped over the moon. In adolescence Romeo ended up with his dear Juliet. (Though not in the most conventional of ways.) In adulthood, you grab a hold of that pen and you write your own stories for future generations to read and learn from. Life is about which path you choose to wander. I've known workaholics and alcoholics. Good people and not-so-good people alike. Soon-to-be mothers, new mothers, and grandmothers that have takes on the responsibility of being a mother again. I have met the wise. The broken. The knowledgeable. But my favorite, are the dreamers. And that's who I choose to be.
The Color Yellow
Dreamers are like the color yellow. Bright. But neutral. The first time you hear a baby laugh. The realization you're in love. Seeing your best friend for the first time in months. An unexpected gift. That is the color yellow. They are like a sunrise, a sunset, and an eclipse all in one. A meteor shower where each falling star merits one wish. They are the most beautiful people. Because they've gone through the most. I've known a few. And whether I see them now, or ever will again, I'm better for having known them. No matter how short of a time span I may have spent with them.
Rub Some Dirt In It
Dreamers have known pain and loss. Like the prick of a needle or a paper cut. The scar doesn't show, but that doesn't mean the pain isn't real. But you smile on and smile bright. You smile for success. And you tell the world to, "Bring. It. On." because you've learned how to live. How to love. You've learned strength and courage and endurance. But most importantly, you've learned humor.
I Was Rolling
What is this life without humor, when you think about it? Laughter is an anti-stress. A bond forged. Laugh with me. Become a friend. Even if I never see you again, for a tiny amount of time, even though we may be from different backgrounds, we were connected. We forged that unlikely bond for a few seconds in this endless cycle of time. That is what's truly magical.
The Great Escape
Sometimes, humor cannot be found, though. These are the times of greatest depression. When reality has become our biggest fear. People have their own methods of breaking out from reality. Some inject. Some light up. Some cut. And some starve. As for me? I drown myself. But not in the gasping for breath, lungs collapsing way you're imagining. I drown in melodies. I let music wash over me. That's how I am set free from my chains. And I live.
I live, and I move on. I pick myself up when need be. I'm a fighter. And NEVER will I put these boxing gloves down. Theoretically speaking, of course. I chose not to let my emotions control me anymore. I've grown and matured past that. We all have. Or will. We are human. We feel. We love. We hurt. But we live anyways. And we continue on in this seemingly endless circle hoping to one day pass down our legacy. So, dream on. And dream big. The only thing that holds you back is yourself.
After "Ever After"
I realized that. As soon as I did, I had a million people I wanted to apologize to for everything I may have put them through. If I've asked you to read this, you may be one of them. I want you to know that I've grown so much. And I could never have gotten here without guidance from you. I started out wanting to write something powerful. I don't know if I've moved you. But I've moved myself. I'm ready to be a better person. And it starts with this.
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